My heart is heavy

My heart is heavy this morning as I write this. Some teens were killed in my town in a car crash. Does somebody wanna tell me how this is fair? How this is just?

I'll answer that for myself. It's not. Unfortunately, it's life. It's circumstance.

I do not believe they were "taken home." Nor do I believe in the whole "God's will" comment most people are using to deal with this tragedy. If God in fact existed, which as an Atheist, I do not believe he does, he would be an unjust God in my mind. What kind of God would allow such things to happen? God's will? I say, don't feed me that line. It's never made sense to me anyway. When you hit a deer or squash a bug on your windshield was it God's will? No, nobody ever says that. Yet we say that when it comes to humans...like we're some infinite superior being. Somehow we've rendered ourselves incapable of handling things like death and tragedy on our own.

My heart is heavy for the families and these kids' friends. But, I struggle with the whole idea of death. It's tragic yes. God's will? Not in my mind. Their time? No, I don't believe that either. It was circumstance....but, I respect people's ways of grieving....and even though I'm not family or even friends of these kids, I'm having a hard time...a hard time accepting that this world is often cruel and unjust.....

My journey from Christian to Atheism

This is a big blog for me. And one I'm sure might take me a while to actually write.

I'm not really sure where to start, but here it is. As a child and teenager, my parents dragged us to various churches, various religions, ect. One thing was clear: my parents didn't know WHO they wanted to be in relation to Christianty. My brother and I bounced from church to church, much like our entire lives  -- bouncing from one house to another..never being allowed to make friends for the sheer reason we were never there long enough.

As a child I always believed there was a God. I just never knew in what form. We were Catholic one minute. Seventh-Day Adventist the next. Then Christian. Then Mormon. You get the idea. Needless to say, I was being fed all these different views during my formative years. I was a very confused child.

I started questioning religion when I was in my early to late teens. At that time I attended the Mormon church and even was serving as a stake missionary. And the church did not like it when I questioned them. As a matter of fact, they didn't like it when I questioned anything. When our family started going through some rough times, things fell apart for me and I laid everything on the table. And finally decided, at least for me, that I had been fed a bunch of false information all my life.

I'd be lying if I said it didn't leave a hole in my life for a while. Suddenly I went from striving for "heaven" to realizing that when you die there is this infinite dark. Nothing more. I mean, come on, what makes us any more different than a bug? A tree? A wasp? A dog? We are merely animals that, in most cases, have evolved to a more intelligent level. So do I believe in afterlife? No. Not anymore.

I do not believe there is  a God.

I do not believe in heaven or hell. These beliefs are a part of my past. And nothing more than childhood fairytales that I was fed growing up.

My words may seem harsh. But this is MY blog and MY reality. These are my views. I have no problem with religion...I have a problem with it being shoved down my throat. I've been there. Done that. I played the church game. IT DID NOT WORK.

And I'm done.

This is a challenge

I don't know if anybody reads this blog...but I do know it's a challenge for me.

Even tho this is a fairly ayon blog I'm simply not used to airing my opinions publicly. I spent a majority of my childhood fearing others, accepting what was fed to me and taking on the views of others. As I got older, I realized that it's ok to have my own views...yet even when I became an adult it took me a long time to come out of my shell.

I'm taking a stand in my life. With family. With friends. On Facebook. On Twitter. At work. Everywhere. Some people have chosen to "delete" me out of their life...it's wonderful that Facebook allows us to act like "adults." Others have chosen to accept my views, my choices and simply ME.

I do know this: I will not be fed or accept things I do not believe in. Period. I will stand up for what i believe.

but, I do accept that my budding openness is going to take time. And for that reason, this blog may be quite disjointed for a period of time until I get my sea legs.

Cheers,

I find it amazing

I find it amazing that the world is so full of intolerance to others' way of life and others' ideas.

It's utterly amazing. And I just don't get it.

And here's a news flash: I HAVE MY OWN IDEAS. My own views. MY OWN LIFE. I know it may seem strange to this increasingly intolerant world, but it's true. And I don't go shoving my views down people's throats, why do people not extend the same act of respect?

Letter to a friend...

I sent this letter to a friend today (partially edited for privacy to others involved)

I'm happy (overall). I AM HAPPY.

And despite financial concerns...and stuff, I am still happy overall. And as I sit here on the back patio that my partner and I built together and watch the birds and listen to the wind in the trees, I realized WHY I'm happy.

I am being true to myself.
I am being true to my beliefs.
I am not afraid to stand up for what I, ME..what I believe in.
I am not letting others tell me how I should believe.

With that being said, even though I have joined some pages on FB that some have already told me offends them (I DO NOT CARE ANYMORE) I have not overly aired my beliefs...at least while I'm in (my current job position), and choose to have work contacts on my social media page, I gotta remain fairly neutral. But, the way I figure, if my boss can put on her page that she's pro-life (anti choice) and religious, then I can "like" whatever I believe in on Facebook too.

Now, with that being said...it's just one of the many changes I have made in my life over the past year. I've stood up to my mother, my brother and to friends and other family. this is me. Take it or leave it.

I can honestly say I've never been happier with myself. I've never been so comfortable with who I am...because I'm allowing myself to be EXACTLY who I am....

It. Feels. SO. Good!

On politics...

I have been waiting forever to be able to type this post!

I am a left-wing liberal. Yes, that's me. I am pro-choice. I have my reasons but won't go into those today.

I do not have a religion, I'll save that for another blog.

And I am done being pushed around and shamed by those who do not agree with me. We all have the right to our beliefs, MYSELF included. In my opinion, I've been too "nice" all these years. I have kept quiet, especially recently, because I'm afraid to offend anyone. Typical Democrat behavior, in my experience. As a whole, it seems to me, we all try to be nice and not offend.

Honestly, I think it's time that for me personally, I start standing up for what I believe...some will go with me on this journey, some will leave. In the end, I will be TRUE to myself. TRUE to my own beliefs. And I will be happier for it.

I am my own

I have started this blog as a way to express my opinion and views of the world...currently I am in a job position where I cannot do this publically under my "own" name so I am doing it this way. here. And now.

This blog will be a hate-free and tolerant zone.

Now, on to business.